You know, this might work…


From Onion:

In an effort to explore the complex moral issues surrounding the controversial topic, the world’s leading geneticists gathered at an international conference this week to debate the ethics of cloning human beings and compelling them to fight to the death in a rocky pit for our amusement.  According to organizers, the five-day symposium provided luminaries in the field of bioengineering an opportunity to thoughtfully deliberate on the moral dilemma of creating hundreds of genetically identical copies of an individual human, arming them with bladed weapons, and forcing them to violently slaughter each other solely as a captivating pastime for spectators.

“Cloning human beings and using various intimidation tactics to coerce the genetic duplicates to battle inside a craggy, dimly lit arena certainly raises numerous ethical questions, but the benefits of cheap, incredibly exciting, blood-drenched brawls outweigh potential violations of moral principles,” biologist Richard K. Phillips said during a panel discussion, arguing that dozens of identical combatants fighting until only one is left standing would provide countless hours of gripping entertainment. “While such practices would assuredly be detrimental to the clones that are ruthlessly beaten to death in the fighting pit, we cannot underestimate the net benefit to humankind at large of watching five unarmed versions of a single man gang up on another indistinguishable genetic copy who, say, had this huge club covered in spikes.”

“Or imagine 10 clones of one person in a bout against 10 clones of a different person,” Phillips continued. “I wholeheartedly believe that it is the responsibility of science to advance human society by creating something so fucking cool.”

“My colleagues in the field seem to have forgotten that human life is precious,” added Wilson. “That’s why it would have a far greater impact to force regular non-cloned individuals to butcher one another for our amusement.”

Proponents of the practice, however, stressed that a great deal of scientific knowledge could be acquired by cloning humans and forcing them to fight to the death, such as learning precisely how a human would look its own clone in the eye while killing it, understanding the potential of the human mind for perpetrating gruesome violence against what is essentially itself, and determining whether spectators would eventually raise objections to replacing the clones’ limbs with axes and swords.

I wonder how long before it’d be just another ‘reality’ show on cable?


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